If You Stop Fucking Him, He Will Go Away.

Another day.  More Katy Perry.  And yet another hideous white lady grill.  This is a woman who’s already walking a fine line between barely tolerable and urge to kill, but it’s all gotten so much worse.   Katy Perry’s media ubiquity is rather irritating to begin with, as it is generally accompanied by her shitty music, but now she is consistently accompanied by something far more sinister- John Mayer.

One strains to wonder why any famous woman would volunteer to spend their time with John Mayer.  Having failed to produce a substantial hit in years, Mayer has only managed to maintain his media presence by drifting from one heavily publicized relationship to another.   Perhaps I’m being a bit harsh.  I’m willing to write off the 12 year age difference with a teenage Taylor Swift as pure love, but anyone who would willingly choose to spend their time with Jessica Simpson clearly has dubious taste and ulterior motives.   Case closed.

We can knock Perry all we want, but she’s a definite alpha bitch.  Perry could easily have any one of us eliminated with the bat of an eye.  She practically bleeds money.  So why lower yourself to John fucking Mayer?  Perhaps “douche-y” is subjective, but isn’t the rash deterrence enough?

I’d be willing to overlook, even commend, Mayer’s relentless man-whoring if he wasn’t so pervasively icky.  I’ll gladly tip my hat to an A-game American Gigolo, but you have to get your swag right.  The man is like a walking yeast infection.  Just looking at him makes my pussy yearn for a Vagisil Medicated Wipe.  Seriously, I can overlook the hobo wardrobe, the college sophomore hairstyles, possibly even the dreadful folk rock, if he didn’t seem so fucking greasy.  Then again, I suppose there’s some merit in a man who comes pre-lubricated.  Perhaps Katy has a tendency to chafe.

The paps are claiming that the two are engaged, having produced a photo of a reputed engagement ring.  Perry denies it, and I certainly hope that’s true, because that cheap piece of shit ring look like something I won out of a neon orange easter egg at Chucky Cheese when I was twelve.  Granted, Mayer more than likely gets most his money out of Katy’s purse, but if you’re going to pop a media stunt engagement you should at least get the bitch something from Jared’s.

Advertisements

One thought on “If You Stop Fucking Him, He Will Go Away.

  1. Pingback: A Discharge Too Many. | The Embittered Queen

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s