Pictured below is a recent courtside photograph of celebrity ménage à trois Beyoncé, Jay Z and Jake Gyllenhaal. (Side note- Beyoncé must be into pegging, because I can’t imagine Gyllenhaal’s adventurous enough to attempt vaginal intercourse.)
Clearly Jay-Z is having none of this femme shit between wifey and Beyoncé. It’s not too hard to imagine the context of the conversation. Given the look of complete disinterest on Jay Z’s face and the rapt attention on Gyllenhaal’s face, the conversation is clearly centered on bronzers and the Velvet Remy Silky tied back into Jake’s ponytail. I certainly hope the game was good because I couldn’t imagine sitting through 2 hours of that shit.
Speaking of gay shit, a fundraising project of note is in its final hours on Kickstarter. The campaign was started by Kit Williamson, an actor who coincidentally resembles a less gay version of Jake Gyllenhaal. Williamson is trying to raise funds to film the second season of Eastsiders. Eastsiders originally aired on Logo but since that network is primarily funded by food stamps and the merchandise they steal and then return for store credit at TJ Maxx, there’s no money for a second season. That’s a pity because I actually kind of liked Eastsiders. Any TV series that involves gay sex and abortion references is a winner in my book. The series centers on Thom and Cal, two hyper-promiscuous gay men who struggle to keep their relationship alive amongst endless cheating. So basically it’s about two gay men who exist. Also they live in Silver Lake and not WeHo, so they’re totally of the people. In Cal’s words, the relationship has to survive “or else Chick-fil-A wins,” so the stakes are high.
Willam Belli is slated to appear in the 2nd season. Belli desperately needs this gig to finance future song parodies about Grinder asshole pics (or as I call it, community service), so please give this campaign some money. Ask yourself, are you going to beat off to a Beyoncé-Jay Z-Gyllenhaal ménage à trois fantasy tonight? If so, you probably wouldn’t do that if you hadn’t read this post. And you would never have read this post if not for Kit Williamson’s butch Gyllenhaal realness, so give a bitch some cash.