7 Times a Charm

After 14 glamorous weeks, the seventh season of Drag Race has come to a close.  Though this was perhaps not the most astonishing season, it was not without its highlights.  Granted there were elimination shenanigans, a bizarre new Untucked format, several baffling “acting” challenges and more than a few runway disasters, but it is to the show’s credit that their core audience is still clamoring for more.  In the words of the immortal sage Laganja Estranja, “C’mon Season 8!”

This year’s top three was especially eclectic.  Glamorous hobgoblin Ginger Minj rose from the depths of the Florida swamps to stake her claim in the Drag Queefdom.  Meanwhile sassy somnambulist Pearl crab walked down the runway and into our hearts but in the end it was the beautiful, if somewhat empty, Violet Chachki who ran away with the crown.  Ginger fought valiantly for the title and for a while it seemed like she was most equipped to carry the crown.  It’s a pity that she caved into pageant drama backbiting towards the end, as it wound up turning the audience against her.  Having decidedly lost in online opinion polls, and with Pearl’s complete and total dearth of personality (or as others call it, charisma) rendering her incapable of carrying the title, the final prize ultimately had to go to Violet Chachki.  I realize that Violet isn’t the most exciting winner but I think she might be good for the audience.  Throughout the entire competition Violet’s saving grace was her unwavering confidence. Here is someone completely in control of herself, her emotions, her fate, and her destiny.  She didn’t ride to the crown off of a tragic backstory nor did she ever dwell on trauma.  It was refreshing to see someone eschew the tried and true Reality TV staples of victimhood and sympathy in favor of their own natural power.  The gay community far too often dwells on suffering and trauma. Violet had no time for that; she was too busy kicking ass.  This is the sort of attitude that is the future of the gay community, even if her art isn’t.  Besides, it was time for a porn star to finally win RuPaul’s Drag Race.

There’s been a lot of hemming and hawing in the blogosphere about this being the weakest season, but I think that there were still plenty of artistic high notes.  Katya was a particular delight and her Zdravstvuyte Kitty doll is destined to generate millions for Sanrio.  John Waters finally made an appearance on Drag Race (that blazer alone made it all worthwhile) with the Dreamlander musical challenge inspiring 14-year-olds everywhere to google Pink Flamingos.  Despite all the shit talking about season 7 not being funny, this year’s Snatch Game was first time anal tight.  I needed an entire tube of KY just to get through it.  And above all, let us never forget that it was season 7 that gave us the gift of Trixie Mattel.  Bless you, RuPaul.

Last year I was perhaps a bit harsh in my contestant rundown.  Rather than dwelling on negativity (I would be loath to be in anyway pessimistic or cynical on The Embittered Queen) I’m going to take a different tack this year.  Following the example set in the DESPY Awards challenge, instead of reading the queens I shall instead award them for their outstanding contributions to the art of cross dressing.  I present to you The Dildy Awards: Honoring Excellence in the Field of Transvestism.

And the award goes to…

Tempest DuJour: Most Outstanding DILF

Sasha Belle: Best Kim Zolciak Illusion

Jasmine Masters: Most Impractical Earrings

Mrs. Kasha Davis: Most Inventive Use of a Depends Undergarment

Kandy Ho: Filler Queen Par Excellence

Max: Most Inventive Color Scheme

Jaidynn Diore Fierce: Best Pec-Titties (This award brought to you by Burger King, in collaboration with White Castle and Long John Silvers.)

Miss Fame: Best Nude Spread

Trixie Mattel: Tastiest Nuggets in All the Land (Seriously, who knew Ronald McDonald looked so good as a blonde?)

Katya: Best Cultural Hijacking

Kennedy: Best Pube Beard

Pearl: Most Likely to Star in a Breeding Porn

Ginger: Most Prodigious Use of Black Spray Paint

Violet: Best Erotic Massage

Congratulations, Ladies!